"Does anybody even notice..."

I've had a couple of songs stuck in my head for weeks now that seem to be summing up m feelings lately.  Both of them are from the Buffy episode "Once More with Feeling". (Points for the geek half right?)  Maybe it's because I'm having a bit of an early mid-life crisis from turning 30 recently or maybe it's the holiday season or maybe it's the crappy weather but any way you slice it, I'm feeling a bit out of sorts.  I started this blog to have a bit of an outlet for myself and I don't know if anyone is even reading anything I write, but I'll continue on for now and just blog for me.  Maybe it's time for me to make a change in life.  The only problem is, I don't know what to change.  I have a great job that I love (most days) and an awesome hubby, great friends and wonderful family.  I do wish we had a bigger place, but it's so hard to find something affordable here.  I'm feeling a bit in a rut and I'm hoping to find a new outlet to stop that.  Maybe it's time to start painting again.  I'm not sure what I need to change, but something'f gotta give...and soon.  I don't know if anyone out there will ever see this, but I promise to try and at the very least get tis song out of my head.

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS (Buffy, et al)

(Buffy)         Every single night, the same arrangement,
                    I go out and fight the fight.
                    Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
                    Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
                    I've been making shows of trading blows
                    Just hoping no one knows
                    That I've been go - ing through the motions,
                    Walking though the part,
                    Nothing seems to penetrate my - heart.
                    I was always brave and kind of righteous,
                    Now I find I'm wa - vering.
                    Crawl out of your grave, ya find this fight
                       Just doesn't mean a thing
(Henchman) She ain't got that swing.
(Buffy)          -pause-     Thanks for noticing.
(Demon & Henchmen) She does pretty well with fiends from Hell
                    But lately we can tell
                    That she's just going through the motions
                    Faking it somehow.
(Demon)      She's not even half the girl she...owww!

(Buffy)         Will I stay this way forever?
                    Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.
(Handsome Young Man) How can I repay - (Buffy) Whatever!
(Buffy)         I don't want to b - e
                    Going through the motions,
                    Losing all my drive.
                    I can't even see
                    If this is really me
                    And I just want to b - e    a - live.